"I kind of sway between being frayed and stressed and on the brink in some ways; wracked with nerves, and then feeling OK and certain," Bethenny said in the revealing interview, "This is my life now."
The 42-year-old admits that she had a feeling early on in the relationship that her marriage to Jason Hoppy might not last.
"I felt like there was an expectation to be someone that I wasn't," she confessed. "My marriage made me feel like I was a bad person, like I was damaged, I was dysfunctional, I was never going to be happy. But I don't believe that to be true. Yet there I was — in a relationship that made me feel that way."
Despite battling each other in court over custody issues Jason and Bethenny still live in the same apartment, an arrangement that she admits is, “very, very stressful. I don’t think it’s very healthy for anyone involved. It’s very upsetting. You just have to endure it.”
And the talk show host admits to being baffled by Jason’s decision to continue wearing his wedding ring. “It’s an interesting choice,” she says, “I don’t understand it. When the clouds pass, I will figure out what the silver lining was.”
I don't want to attack you but somehow you ask for it Bethenny! From the beginning we saw it too.. Jason should have seen that you are damaged. You have no idea what it is like to be in a "normal" family. That is not your fault by the way, but you are so bitter and seem like a cold and unfeeling person. We saw how you tried to distance Jason's kind and loving parents, it was disgusting how you tried to break up the close bond they have with their son. The guilt you placed on your husband should make you ashamed of your bad behavior. It is your desire I'm sure to use your daughter as a pawn to battle your war against Jason in the years ahead and I hope you see this before you damage her as well.
No attacks here. No bad thoughts OR have I ever had any regarding you or your family. Of course, I have no real clue anyway.
I just want to comment on you, just you...I watched you actually grow over time..Although it may not have been the right match I feel that all will and should be ok with your daughter and surprisingly enough, ex. It must be So difficult to live in a clear bubble.I'm glad that you took some time...as small as it was to be able to stand and actually break through.You broke through your horrific past. God Bless You.
Why on earth would you continue living together during a divorce??? That's what less fortunate people do cause they can't afford a different choice. Don't torture yourselves and take a hike. Jason.....it's weird to wear a wedding ring when you are divorcing. I can tolerate a lot from a man, but not weird. Good luck to you both and be nice for brynn's sake!
it seems from day one on hwny you said time and time again that you came from a bad childhood and that is sad but it puts you in a very large club of people. although i feel bad for you about that you are now an adult and you cannot go through life blaming every problem on that. that would be like an alcoholic saying well I"M AN ALCOHOLIC so thats just the way it is. its a copout, at what point do you say yeah i had a bad chilhood but look how far i've come and over my dead body my daughter will not have to endore the same? there are millions of kids who grow up in a lot worse conditions and are not as lucky as bethenny. the poor little bethenny is now one of the luckiest people alive so to disreguard all along the way is a shame. stand up put your rich big girl pants on and take some reasponsibilty for the wrongs that YOU have done and are still doing. Living together in the same apartment is a choice, you are not abused, poor and stuck with no choice you are just pig headed and being a control freak wich is part of why you are in this situation to begin with.you have been fooling the viewers for years about how you hav been stepped on and kept trucking but i believe you have been doing a lot of stepping yourself and i believe you know exactly what your doing. i think a lot of people are fooled by Ellen backing you and that is gonna bite Ellen in the butt so for her i feel sorry that you tricked her also. in the end bethenny will be alone like her father and it will be nobodys fault but her own. being on top is only great if you have loved ones with you. i guess if it gives her daughter a book title and a person to blame when she grows up, bethenny didnt fall from the tree and neither will bryne and for that i feel sad.
I've always been a fan and I'm really sorry that your marriage has turned out this way. I rellay hope you and Jason can find a way back to each other. I believe that he truly loves you (do you still love him) and right know you are both to angry to be the first to admit needing each other. I think him quitting hsi job to help manage your company as a mistake.He needed to keep that distance bewteen you so that he would not be bogged down with work and family life with you. There was no getting away from friction, no me time. You know yourself, you are not an easy person to sometimes get along with. You can be very agressive and in your face. You are also sensitive underneath it all and vulnerable to those you love. You and Jason grew up with completely different lifestyles. He comes from a very close, loving family background and it may be difficult for him to truly understand what you went through. You on the other hand did have a very dysfunctional upbringing. It appears his family tried very hard to love you and include you but you just didn't know how to recieve it and was uncomfortable with it.
For the sake of your little girl and her future mental health and view of family, figure out a way to disengage from the anger. She needs both of you. Don't make her a weapon.
Regardless, I wish you all well. Keep the hope alive.
Bethenny, I felt so badly when your marriage went down hill. Why is it at first you could not live without eachother and then you begin to hate eachother?? You had it all and did not do anything to make it work. Poor littly Bryn is in the midst of anger and resentment. Plus you never gave Jason's parents the respect they deserved. I read the Bryn was so excited to see them at her party. Doesn't that show love? Jason has faults and so do you. The best case scenario is to put up a good front for your little girl. I really like you, but I do not like the way you are heading. Not that my opinion matters, but I have been a fan since Day 1. I hope you find the happiness you deserve and Jason does too. That is what is needed for your little girl. Good luck!
You and Jason aren't living in poverty, so why are you both living together?? Use common sense for once, wouldya? Both of you need a huge lesson in common sense as well as empathy for one another. And stop being a victim. You're a perfectly capable, savvy woman.
Singleashell ,You are not alone you better believe Bethenny has more fans that love her then hate her #1. I lost respect for Jason when he didn't take Bethenny out of the event when she showed the other housewives her engagement ring and she started to cry she begged him to leave and he kept hanging around until Jill came with her lies the second time he was a jerk is when she begged him not to have a big todo about her birthday and he wanted to invite all his friends to her party like it was about him He wantefd a wife from mayberry,usa and he got a NYC wife that had more going for her then he did his EGO could not take it. I think signing the prenup was the straw that broke the camels back,I don't won't to think about some of the digs and insults he said to her behind closed doors because he knew she wanted her marriage to work and her daughter to have two parents in the same house but as "DR.PHIL SAID HE WOULD RATHER SEE A CHILD HAPPY FROM A BROKEN HOME THEN MISERABLE WITH TWO PEOPLE FIGHTING IN FRONT OF THE CHILD ALL THE TIME" .so happy she stood up for herself in front of the whole world and not let him blackemail her into staying married.
Marriage isn't for everybody. You and Jason may not want to be partners but you will always be Bryn's parents. That is one constant that you both will always have in common. It would be nice for Bryn if you both can let go of past hurts and focus on loving that beautful child that represents the best of both of you. Best Wishes!
I just don't understand the whole thing. If ithe current situation is admittedly not healthy for anyone involved why is it happening? What is the hold-up for them to work out a shared custody agreement? Is someone not willing to do that? Does someone want more money than the other person is willing to give? Do they both feel that these issues are more important than the health and well-being of their child? Shame on them. Shared custody and write a check that Jason can't refuse. Case closed, time to move on.
If living in the same apt. is so very very stressful then why on earth do you do it and subject your daughter to that kind of stress???? Move out and share your daughter equally! Whats wrong with you? Do you want her to have the same neurotic childhood that you did? Put her first and settle your custody isssues!
Poor Betheny :( I've always thought she was so real and genuine. I hope she finds peace and happiness soon!
I know that I am alone on the island with my opinion but I don't have the venom for Bethenny that everyone else seems to. I have watched her from the start and although I agree that she is a hard partner to have, Jason was/is no angel. I think he tried his best to hide it from the cameras but I do believe that he was verbally abusive with her and belittled her. Neither one is 100% to blame. I don't get why people are trashing her over the demise of her marriage! I always feel like the housewives choose to let the public into their lives and then cry foul and suddenly want privacy. While I don't judge the reasons that they split, the fan/voyeur in me wants to know WHY? In the end I wish them healing and hope that they BOTH let go of ego, hurt feelings, and bitterness for that sweet little girl.
This will offend 'Team Bethenny' (which I've always been part of), however, I think she doesn't like when someone calls her on her stuff, especially Jason.
Example... Birthday party Jason gave her. I understand there was leftover childhood trauma for her, but to go into a backroom crying loudly, "I don't like this, don't want to be here". Think this drama didn't embarrass & make uncomfortable Jason, family & friends? Honestly, who does that? Damaged...Dysfuntional-IMHO I think so. Isn't that why she goes to therapy (nothing wrong w/that).
Within a year of marriage, she wants her engagement ring re-designed. Self-absorbed..much? How insulting for Jason.
Kim Kardashian may hold the record, but Bethenny is rounding as second.
The things that brought you together are still there, you just can't see it through the rough times. I've been there myself. Now after 30+ years, I realize we had to work through the rough patches to grow & get to who we are now. It's a balancing act, & teaches you what you will/will not put up with & what you want for your life & your child's. At times I didn't think it was worth working on, but I tried keeping my family together. When I look at my 23 year old son & how happy he is that his family stayed together, I know it was worth it all in the end. He is a better person because we took the time to work on ourselves individually & also together. Praying for your family.
Jason needs to move out of Bethenny's apartment Right Now! And yes it is hers ( maybe Jim Beam's?) but certainly not Jason's. That man couldn't even bring himself to spend money on more than one pair of jeans.That stress and tension isn't good for Bryn. Period.
I hope you guys can work out whatever it it. The best thing for a child is to have their mother & father. All marriages take work & have ups & downs, but anything worth having is worth working on (even when it's hard)! You both may not see it now in all the confusion, but if you both take a step back & do what is best for your child, you will find each other again, & later on in life you will be glad you did. Praying for you guys:)
Where's the rest of your life commitment? Geez. People who don't know what the rest of your life means shouldn't marry. Yea there are circumstances when divorce may be the only choice. But 'I'm not feeling it' is weeeeeaaaaaakkkk. Flaky people should not be allowed to marry. So even though Bethany will never read this: Hey woman! You're flaky. He's not. He knows what the rest of your life means (the ring). You don't.
I get it. all too well. Been there done that! He has to look like the good guy and he does. But we don't live with him. You are two different people. You both loved each other very much. However, he can't be what you want him to be and you can't be what he wants you to be. You both have to accept each other as you are. It didn't work out and accepting that and moving on is very difficult. He is NOT going to move out till the property settlement is done. It will soon be over. The silver lining will be your beautiful little girl. He knows what buttons to push to make you feel inferior and insecure. You gave him as much as you could and you honestly didn't understand why that wasn't enough, I could see it in your eyes when you tried to talk to him. You clearly didn'y understand and he honestly believed you were trying to blame him.
Bethanny , go back and read your book "a place of yes" from the start...MAKE TIME....It will do you some good. Love you Mean it!!!! You'll get thru this and it will be OK. You will see the silver lining on the other side.
Bethenny, I hope this comment reaches you. I am a psychotherapist specializing in couples' work. I only watched your show a few times but that was enough to see the dynamic and I was virtually certain your marriage wouldn't last. I'm NOT blaming either one of you -- you both did the best you could. But Jason was (unknowingly, I'm sure) judgmental and passive aggressive. He DID expect you to be something you weren't and always held the attitude that he was right and normal and you were somehow deficient. Again, I don't think he even realized how condescending he could be towards you. Still,I don't blame him. I think he was confused, scared and on automatic in how he dealt with you. But unfortunately, this played right into your insecurities and you also tended to doubt yourself far too much, not trusting your feelings that something was off and you weren't being respected for who you are. But all of these dynamics could have been changed. You loved each other and certainly weren't trying to hurt each other. But I felt your therapist was very incompetent. A nice guy, but ineffective. It made me so sad to see this -- I wanted to step into the tv screen and sit down with you and Jason and uncover what was really going on so you could be partners in growth, not blame and defensiveness.
But bottom line, I know you grew immensely through your marriage and I hope Jason did also. We always believe that relationships are only valuable if they last forever. That's just not true. They are valuable as long as they lead to growth and I've come to firmly believe that the purpose of many relationships is simply and only that -- growth, not longevity. Frankly, I'm fairly certain that what you learned in your marriage, the ways it changed you, will bring you lasting happiness in the future with someone else who is right for the self-loving woman you have become. Thank you for sharing yourself so generously with all of us -- you are a rare soul, passionate, self aware, always open and wonderfully honest. It doesn't get better than that.
I don't think B has a clue about how to be part of a true family. There's a point where you have to rise above your upbringing, and change things. She needs to just share joint custody with Jason and give her daughter access to the father that B never had for Bryn's sake, and try to be a friendly co-parent. Otherwise in 20 Years, Bryn will be talking about being raised by wolves, just like B does.
I love you Bethenny!! But I think you made yourself feel like a bad person! Thats kinda your problem not Jason's! You let a good one go!!
I dont get it. You felt this at the beginning. You knew you had issues on RHONY and relationship issues. So why are you now saying its Jason. I think his life was so normal and when you were with him you came from a place of not normal. He has supportive parents you didn't. I dont think it has to do with him just more like you then realized it even more. He was a good guy. He loved you , his parents loved you --- they accepted you with open arms and you just pushed them away. I thought you and Jason were very cute together. I thought you complimented each other. Its to bad. your just two different people. Your very aggressive and over the top and and hes not. I think your smart and a go getter and creative , but I also think its your way or the high way , no if ands or butts.. Money cant buy you a family and love.