Cynthia Bailey

Cynthia shares her thoughts on how to approach the the sex talk with your kids.

on Dec 10, 20130

Welcome back to another episode of The Real Housewives of Atlanta! Let's jump right on in.

Sooo what is the best age to talk to your children about "the birds and the bees"? In this day and age, do people even still call it that? LOL! Well call it what we like, just know that at the end of the day it's still good old fashioned sex. And having sex too early, or without the proper protection, information, and education can lead to teenage pregnancy and STDs. That's why it is so important to have the "sex conversation" with our children BEFORE they actually start having sex, not after the fact. Otherwise our "pearls of wisdom" could fall on deaf ears and be a little TOO late. We all know what that means, and from the words of my girl Sweet Brown: AIN'T NOBODY GOT TIME FOR THAT! At least I know I don't.

Now please be clear. I don't pretend to have all the answers on raising children (and outside of taking care of my own that I was in labor with for 16 hours), I say do what works for you and your child. However, I know that this is a controversial subject, and what works for one child does not necessarily work for the other. So I was curious about what the other mothers in the world who are in the same boat with me think, and decided to ask the question on Twitter. I received answers ranging from ages 10-15 years old. This was interesting! In my opinion 10 is too young and 15 is too late. My daughter is 14 years old and is in high school. Guess what? Not only are her peers talking about sex, most of them are already having sex. Regardless of age, no one knows our children better than we do. So with having a child comes the responsibility of making every effort to support, protect, and give them the education they need to make good life choices.

Bottom line: We had sex growing up, and our children will be no different. I encourage my daughter to feel comfortable coming to me about anything and everything. I am her mother, and that's what I am here for. So now I ask you guys the same question. What do you think?

31 comments
Chafion
Chafion

I would Leon to talk to my daughter vs Cynthia, cause until Porsche came along Cynthia was the dingy one out of the group.  Porsche did you a favor she actually makes you look somewhat smart.

jenjer
jenjer

I thought that it was hilarious when Phaedra tried to make Aiden speak to Joyce. He said, I don't want a treat! Good boy! He knows crazy when he sees it!  She looks evil.

 

shelly3630@gmail.com
shelly3630@gmail.com

I don't know if you are reading these, but I am a single mother, middle class, of two, beautiful teenage daughters. My oldest is 19 now and my youngest is 17. I can tell you both are night and day and I had to treat both totally different! My oldest who was so touchy about talking about it, didn't want to have anything to do with it and actually said these words to me "what is the point of having a boyfriend when I will leave him when I go to college", don't get me wrong, at 5'8 long blond hair blue eyes playing sports, boys were calling, but she didn't care, so she was easy. Now, on to the 17 year old, looking the exact same, but even more! God give me strength! I did it this way, I asked if she would tell me what she was ok with telling me was ok telling me her impression of it was, and what she thought was ok, and what her friends were saying, and I told her I would be honest with her, because if she felt I wasn't she wouldn't trust me, she would trust her friends more, to steer her. So we talked, my face got red, I was embarrassed at times, but I told her the truth, on how in the end, that one thing is hers and and the person she gives it to, owns it, and the first love, the first this and that is wonderful, but, remember the first ride on a roller coaster how exciting how thrilling, but then its just a roller coaster, you get my point, you want to take that ride with someone that has been with you for all the ups and downs, turns and twists, that way that ride means more then just a quick carnival ride, it will be one that make you smile when you think of it, and gives you a good memory. The true test with anything is patients and if she feels in anyway funny or pushed give it a day, what is one day. I then told her, she can always call me, no questions, I will support her. She looked looked at me and thanked me, really thanked me, and said her friends (at 14,15) started having sex and made her feel odd she didn't want to, but apparently her sister had been helping her deal with the pressure by telling her, "its better to be different then like them, I like being known as someone that doesn't sleep around then someone who does!" So even without knowing it, are children know what to do.

EastofHeden
EastofHeden

I really liked Leon's idea that he should speak with Noelle from a man's perspective.  I had always felt was simply my " job" as a woman to speak with my girls.  Makes perfect sense to me, now, in thinking about it, after Leon suggested this to you.  I think it's perfect that both parents speak, talk and teach their children about all of life's adventures, challenges, issues , highs and lows.  One of the many ways we teach our children is modeling good choices in who we choose to have our children with and you made a wise choice there !  I also applaud the three of you, yourself, Peter and Leon , in how you co-parent; excellent as this also models exactly what we want for our children.  Your daughter is blessed to have such a wonderful family and you , her.  All the best to each of you and Happy Holidays !!  You're the best !!

NWViewer13
NWViewer13

Glad to see that Peter is now realizing that he needs a new job, even though he had to buy into Uptown Magazine to be VP of Entertainment..  Most all of the YELP reviews of local ATL people say  BarONe is a NOT spot. Kenya was correct tonight on WWHL when she said Peter wants to be the 7th housewife. He's very pathetic at times. 

Toeknee
Toeknee

Grade A parenting...and Leon so sexy...more please

shecodes
shecodes

By putting your daughters' love life on full blast for everybody's entertainment, you have just GUARANTEED that she will be teased in school.   LEAVE YOUR CHILD OUT OF THIS BUSINESS.  She is not a housewife and her name should not be in everyone's mouth.

bearlovesmouse
bearlovesmouse

It's nice to see how you mentor young people and be classy.

monique12
monique12

I explained to my teenage daughter that kissing sessions (i.e "making out"), was foreplay.  It's what can turn a good girl's 'no' to a 'yes'. I blew her away with that one.  If she makes a promise to herself to abstain, then she has to have abstaining actions.  No sitting up having kissing session.  Your boyfriend is simply that, a boy who is your friend.  I emphasis activities and take them to things.

Go hiking, exploring, movies, volunteer work and meet up with other friends.  I also talk to her about balance. She had other friends prior to her boy friend coming into the picture. A healthy balance of time with those friends and boy friend time is a good thing.

We have good communication and I stay open and listen to her. Sometimes it's uncomfortable for me as a parent and I think I have a few more gray hairs as a result, but I keep talking with her and to her.

BrooklynBravo
BrooklynBravo

I agree with you. I don't know who parents think they are fooling. Clearly their parents before them had sex and the fact that you had a child means you had sex. So to pretend like children don't' have a curiosity and will eventually do the do themselves is ridiculous. Start early educating your children, because if not, they will get advice from other kids who are uneducated about the facts. 

cars121
cars121

BRAVO to you, Peter & Leon for the stellar example of shared, effective parenting.  You are modeling (no pun intended, despite it being SO apro po) an ideal example for so many people to learn from. 

macnmac
macnmac

Your doing fine and its good to see your have support from her father and that Peter knows when to enter and exit and are you are not walking this road alone even thought there will be times you may have too. 

 

You are doing the most important thing of all and that is crossing over into the next growing up lane with your child rather than force them back in the old lane. They want to go forward but want boundary's too without saying so.  You got this one Cynthia just do not let too much play out on tv with her.  

Nastybaby
Nastybaby

My mom discussed it with me when I was 12, the year before I entered high school.  I think that is a good age, but as you stated, it is up to the parent to determine that.  At least you are trying to be proactive.  Talking about sex doesn't mean that a person is condoning it.  Hec, I was a virgin until I was 19/20 years old, but that's because my mom's advice stuck with me.  

radar_luv
radar_luv

Is Peter really one to be giving advice? From some with stage 4 endo and PCOS he can back the freak off. What a jackhole!

xjackiex
xjackiex

Start at 5-7 with correct body parts

Answer age-appropriate questions about where babies come from when asked [they mean from mommie's uteruses] and can hear about how they grow and come out.

By 5th and 6th grade they should have heard the whole miracle of life talk from parents before they learn it from school, the real deal about how sperm and eggs come together to make a baby, coupled with your values about sex and intimacy and why--in way more than one conversation.  They will hear things from others and you should want to have these discussions with the things you want to have them consider and why that is important for them. They may naturally ask questions about you and generally you want to teach them about 'how things go' --that Moms and Dads keep those things private, but you know it's natural to be curious when learning and wouldn't know that...

 

Good to have your tapes going in their heads before they actually are thinking about having sex--and getting used to talking to you then also. 

DeeDee5304
DeeDee5304

I personally don't believe in "teenage dating". Parents set the rules and guide their children the best way they know how. It seems that you want to be your daughter's friend instead of being her parent. It is one thing what we may do as children, but believe it or not children want parent’s guidance. My father didn't allow his children to date and yes there always one, but when I was growing up one of my acquaintances in high school sister had a baby. Then when she became pregnant, I was in the care and I remember her mother turning around and said "you didn't learn anything from your sister". I saw the hurt in her eyes. I realized at an early age not to want to follow in some footsteps. My father was what I always considered strict, but I realized later that it was parenting. We could have friends, but we were not permitted to date. I was thankful that I had a fear for my father and disappointing my parents.

As I hear young boys younger than your daughter's age talk about sex it is shocking. We knew that a boy just wanted a notch on his belt and I wasn't about to be a notch on anybody’s belt. At that time boys talked and people cared at that time even though there were people who didn't care. I personally feel many of the teenage girls look grown and want to be grown. The difference from when I was growing up to these kids today, they are allowed to dress and talk anyway they choose.

Yes, it is a parent’s prerogative to raise their children the way they want. Well, more power to all of you that choose to be their child’s fried and allow them is who they are and express themselves. I would not want to be a teenager today without having the father I had

In my opinion is that her daughter was acting grown and it appeared Peter didn’t want to upset her and Cynthia felt the same way. 

NJ-Roses
NJ-Roses

Cynthia, you just cop out on parenting when you say, "Bottom line: We had sex growing up, and our children will be no different."  Who are you talking about?  There are plenty of people who wait until they are adults before they have sex.  

I know plenty of parents who gave their kids good information, were open to talk about sex, put their daughters on birth control and gave their sons condoms...and you know what?  They became pregnant anyway (and said that that the birth control failed.)  But it was really a failure in parenting that led to the pregnancy.  You are supposed to say "No" to your kids and become vigilant in protecting them from circumstances that may give them opportunity to be sexual active.  You have to be the police until they are old enough to handle the consequences of sexual activity (emotional, pregnancy, std's, etc.).  It is a lot of work to be the parent of a teenager.

By the way, I think it is completely inappropriate for Noelle's father to speak to her about the intimate details of sex.  He should be speaking to her about self-respect and how she deserves to be treated.

You sound like a parent who doesn't know what she is doing but wants to take the easy way out.

Constance1
Constance1

Good luck with the sex talk and I sincerely hope you and your daughter have had the talk by now.  Personally, I think you have been too slow in broaching the subject considering your daughter is already a 14 yr. old high school student.  While you should know your child best, socially and psychologically speaking, much of this talk should be incorporated into the same chat you have before your daughter menstruates.  Most girls are too shy to speak with their parents about early dating (seems to be the stage Noelle is in) and how it may progress for fear of embarrassment.  Just remember to keep the chat private and not discuss for the TV audience.

EloiseM
EloiseM

Actually, Cynthia this TALK should be given out in stages appropriate for the child's age.  Therefore before he/she enters KINDERGARTEN.  Before the child enters into the babysitter's world and the minute he/she can talk you tell your child to not let anyone every touch the private parts of his body.  To scream and say NO.  Then to tell mom and dad if someone tries.  Later on in elementary school the same lesson is repeated with more detailed information that is age appropriate.  By the time the child is ten years old he/she knows the full story and the consequences.  Always be truthful, yet delve this information out in a manner that is age appropriate.   Remember the cost of ignorance  is VERY STEEP.

LaBrava
LaBrava

Sounds good to me Cynthia.  I love the way you're handling it, calling it puppy love.  Not too much drama - just flowing with it. Nice. Noelle is very very blessed to have you (3) as parents.  Just remind her that whenever she works out, or exercises, don't wear shiny metallic tops and glimmer hats.  LOL  I Love you girl, but you KNOW I laughed at that isht.

shanlea
shanlea

I'm with you on this one. I never had to lie to my folks because they didn't act brand new. I also wasn't too crazy. Many of my friends' were lying and having sex and full of bad misinformation. Last, Nene cannot talk. Her oldest is hardly the poster boy for responsible behavior.  Many of my friends at Catholic school waited to have sex at away-college out of the prying eyes of parents, and then ended up having their first experience drunk with some guy who didn't care about them. They did not know enough about STD's which is why they got some and I did not.   I had sex younger than college, but thought about it, did it with someone who never ever pressured me and was nuts about me, and went to a women's health clinic to prepare myself first. My first love was one of the best - and I was his first as well. It was the quality of caring and wanting me to be as happy as he was.

shysharon
shysharon

leave it to the other 11 year olds hahahah!!

cars121
cars121

 @jenjer

 Hilarious & extremely TELLING.  "And a little child shall lead them"...BIG TIME.  That little boy tuned into the negative energy of MJ with his youthful, unfiltered, genuine human radar.  Talk about funny, sad & scarey all at the same time.  Lord have mercy!

lucky8
lucky8

 @jenjer

 I loved that scene too!  He knew that he wanted nothing to do with Mamma Joyce and if that meant he gets no treat, well so be it!  I love his voice!  I wish they would take Nene off the show and make Ayden more relevant.  I just love whenever they show him.  I hope he gets more lines!

cars121
cars121

 @EastofHeden

 Is it just me or does anyone else see the actual proof in the putting forth that the positive modeling of males by Leon & Peter, seemingly already paid dividends in the person of Arthur.  Kudo's to Peter checking him about calling him Mr. Bailey while providing affirmation to the young man's self possessed response regarding looking people in the eyes when you speak to them.  Something many grown ups should have learned at Arthur's age.  Fantastic parenting.  I couldn't agree more with your post

BeWiseNotFoolish
BeWiseNotFoolish

 @shecodes

 Cynthia will be a grandmother before she knows it and then she'll have the nerve to ask her daughter, "How did you get pregnant?"

BeWiseNotFoolish
BeWiseNotFoolish

 @radar_luvNot to mention the fact that he's the "father" of almost half a dozen kids by as many women.   Cynthia paid for her wedding because this broke, mean spirited dude didn't have two wooden nickels to rub together.

Martinez8Betty
Martinez8Betty

 @DeeDee5304@ DeeDee, Nice Post,Well-Stated!!! Thoughtful!!! I Agree...100%!!! I Mean What's the Big ~RUSH~??????????? 13 is too Young!!!!!! Grab a Book!!! Peace 2 Cindy&Leon&Peter.

 

Pleasurine
Pleasurine

 @NJ-Roses Both parents should be involved with that conversation. She needs to understand it from both perspectives. 

Tracirk68
Tracirk68

 @NJ-Roses I was a virgin when I married at 22.  I'm not saying I didn't fool around but I made darn sure I had zero chance of getting pregnant.  When did respecting your body and being a kid in school become a bad thing?  My parents talked to me about sex as I talk to my kids about it, we are very open but that does not mean I won't teach them to not have sex until they are older.  I communicate with my children, just because I'm not giving them gas money to go get laid does not mean we don't communicate, we talk about hormones and how they can lead us to make unsafe decisions.  We don't just talk about the "birds and bees" there is so much more involved than that.  I try to guide my children the best I can and all of them kow that I am here for them and would help them through whatever they find themselves in, they just also know to think before they act on their hormones.  They have another 60-80 years of their lives to live, why have them grow up too quick?