Kandi Burruss

Kandi gives her take on the dinner with her mother.

on Dec 2, 20130

Well tonight’s episode was a little hard to watch. So many of you tweet about how you think I should deal with my mom. I love my mom, and I will always give her the utmost respect. I know she can be a little tough, but I believe she really does want the best for me even if I don’t like the way she goes about it. I’ve told her a million times that I’m not getting married without a pre-nup. Todd and I already agreed that we were doing one, but I don’t know why she feels like she has to be the one he negotiates it with. Todd did his best to not be disrespectful to my mom no matter what she said to him, which I’m thankful for, but he is more than a little tired of the drama though…

1272 comments
tsmith044
tsmith044

Kani I want to congratulate you and Todd for tying the knot on Friday! Yay! You go girl!! Your one of my most favorite people on the show. Your a true lady. Your momma does need to take a step back and let you and Todd live your lives. You did not get where you are without having a good head on your shoulders and she has to realize that she raised you well and you know what's up. I wish you all the best! 

nomnielle439
nomnielle439

Why are you wasting your time with Portia Stewart/Williams??   


I really approve of your understudy...................

hjackson1tobie5458
hjackson1tobie5458

kandi you do have alot of respect for your mom and as you should. but i think it's time for you to really sit down and have a real heart to heart talk with your mother and tell her how you feel about all that she is doing to you. so kandi and if you dont do this your mother is going to be so much in your business you just pack your bag's and move in with your mother because you are going to be by yourself and your mother will be so happy that she won over you.. you not going to be with todd or nobody else and that is want your mother want you to be with her. and she dont like this person  and she dont like that person.  and before you know it you are all by yourself with nobody to cher your life with the love of your life. good luck and i wish you well

kcat
kcat

Kandi, your mom needs medication or therapy.  Nobody's mom acts that badly.  Its such a shame that she is ruining your relationship - todd seems like a real catch and you'd b sorry to let that slip out of your hands.

kiki13
kiki13

Please Kandi- If you could stand up for your self- and that means for your life and the people in your life- then you will find the strength to get through this odd way your Mom is acting and still have a relationship with her.  i believe you are reticent to address the real issues b/c you're afraid she will really stop loving you- I don't believe that's possible.  She will not stop loving you.  


If you don't work out the way to solve this conflict or at least make it so everyone can co-exist, then I do believe you will lose Todd.  If I was Todd,  I wouldn't want to be in a marriage with someone who has let me know I do not come first and allows other people to disrespect me.  


Todd has tried to communicate with your Mom and probably made more attempts than anyone else will ever make. He has been kicked in the teeth and you stand there watching.  That is not loving your future husband and is this what Todd has to look forward to for the next 50 years?   He will be a fool to stay under those circumstances.


Your Mom is feeling vulnerable- buy her a home and put it in her name.  Make her feel secure.  I totally would do that also.  I know you love here.  But I would not stand for my mother putting down my fiance just the same as I would not stand for my fiance putting down my Mom.  Todd wants a calm and happy life and wants to get along. Your Mom is the problem - Todd is right about counseling- even if she won't go, then you going will give you a lot more abilities to figure this out.   Do it!!  I'll be praying for you.  

Tina_Ferrari
Tina_Ferrari

You can love your mother but you don't have to like her.  She is controlling you.  She is only concerned with her interests, not yours.  That is NOT a mother's love.  I don't see Todd sticking around for the long haul.  What man in his right mind would stay in this dysfunctional relationship you have with your mother?  And if you think after you are married that things will change...no dear, they will only get worse.  My advise would be to make a decision...Todd or your mom.  If you pick Todd, you may have a real chance at happiness.  If you pick your mom, you will always be alone.  You can be respectful and put your foot down at the same time.  Set your mom straight now.  Tell her that she needs to stop all the trouble or you will have to cut her loose.  It won't be your fault.  You just put the ball in her court.  She will either have no choice but to stop meddling in your relationship and stop causing trouble or she will no longer be part of your life.  I know it seems harsh but if you don't put your foot down now, you never will and that is what your mom is counting on.  The fact that she is using your daughter in all of this is disgusting.  Again, that is NOT a mother or a grandmother's love.  If this were happening to someone else I KNOW you would tell them to get their mom in check.

What your mom should have done was say she didn't think Todd was the man for you but that she would always be there for you and support you always.  I hope you can find some happiness.

vikingblondes123
vikingblondes123

And, let me say, it is unwise for you to act so needy w Todd. He appears to be using it to his advantage. Be careful. I see some manipulation...


vikingblondes123
vikingblondes123

Follow your heart, Kandi. Only you have to live with any consequences. You are a truly good person. I don't believe you are foolish. Enjoy love but protect yourself as i'm sure you will. Your mom should know better that she didn't raise a fool. She's projecting ad worried bc as many of us know love runs dry and $ is human "god". Come divorce, it's like drowning victims,they'll try to drown the other to come on top. Just be careful.

chachame
chachame

You and your mom might as well move in together because you will be  alone the rest of your life.

JillTJ2010
JillTJ2010

Kandi, I agree with your mother.  You only have one mother and I really feel like she is protecting you.  I feel her outbursts are justified as she had evidence from so many people talking to her (truth or not). Regardless, no one will ever have your best interests at hand than your mother and you are right when you said, "she will always be there for you and would never leave you."  I just feel like something isn't right here and I guess it will unfold on its own whether your mom is involved or not.  Everyone on here can say as many hurtful things as they want but at least have the respect to appreciate that this is Kandi's mother and no one should be saying such disrespectful things about anyone's mother. 



darma34
darma34

Kandi just watched The View where you, mama joyce, and Todd were on the show this week. Good luck to you and Todd your gonna need it. Some family you half to love from a distance, and your mama is one of them. Your mom still is hating on Todd, and she really doesn't care how Todd's mom feels. I hope you have wrapped Todds mom in love and let her know, your mom doesn't speak for you! Really feel for you, hope you find clarity and are happy, You have a lot to think about, and I think some patterns with your mom need to be stopped. Meaning quit making excuses for your mother's actions! If you don't change YOU this pain will never go away. Your mom won't leave you, your her ATM. Your mom seems to only care about HERSELF. You truly seem like a genuine person, and Todd seems like her really cares for you. Best wishes from this fan. xoxo

gini
gini

I don't even watch your show.  BUT, your mother needs to butt out.  Saw her on The View.  Unbelievable!

Patty218
Patty218

Kandi your mother has you so brainwashed and it is so sad that a woman your age hat has accomplished so much can not find the strength to put this matter in proper perspective. I know she is your mother but it is so obvious she cares more about herself then she cares for you she is jealous o your accomplishments and wants to keep you to herself. her greatest fear is that a man or friend in your life who truly does care about your best interest will convince you to cut her off she will never have enough no mater how much you do for her or give her. I fear you will come o this realizations to late after much lose.  for God sakes Kandi stop allowing her to manipulate you  it makes you look weak no kind  

Maggietish
Maggietish

I truly think you are far from a dumb woman, but you are continually proving that you desperately need counseling.  You acted as if you'd agreed to it when you told Todd of your Mother's latest despicable plan to split you up.  You act as if Todd and your friends are attacking you when they've proven your Mother is out of control - and yet you act like they are wrong when they demand, rightfully so, that you get your Mother to stop and back off.  Its not normal what your Mother is doing and certainly not normal the way you allow her to run your life, attack your fiancé and friends and control you.  Please for the love of God stop crying - you allow this to continue with little or no regard for Todd and your friends.  You are your Mother's meal ticket and she wants to make sure the gravy train you provide for her continues and that's not a Mother's love at all.   I was surprised the way you paraded your Mother and Todd on The View today.  You sat there and allowed her t bash and attack him yet again--that's not normal  Whoopie came to Todd's defense but you just sat there - why?  You claim to love Todd and yet you continue to victimize him - no man would put up with that.  Let him go - he' going to leave you anyway - that's a given.  You have no one to blame but yourself.  Your Mother is a mental case and you support everything she does.  That's a disgrace.   

cummings_8
cummings_8

Kandi, please take the advice of your fiancé and friend. The relationship you have with mother is unhealthy, and irrational. Don’t confuse it for love.Every since this reality show has been aired, your mama problem has consumed your life, so it’s not your mother, it’s you. Get the therapy and let go. Do take some time to absorb the following wisdom and share it with your mother, from “The Prophet”:


On Children
 Kahlil Gibran

Your children are not your children.
They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself.
They come through you but not from you,
And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,
For they have their own thoughts.
You may house their bodies but not their souls,
For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow,
which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.
You may strive to be like them,
but seek not to make them like you.
For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children
as living arrows are sent forth.
The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite,
and He bends you with His might
that His arrows may go swift and far.
Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;
For even as He loves the arrow that flies,
so He loves also the bow that is stable.

bv
bv

mommy dear is protecting her own financial interests


bv
bv

That's not mother-love


bv
bv

Kandi  you are unbalanced if you think any man should put up with your mother

bv
bv

kandi  you are doing the right thing to get counseling.

Blossomthyme
Blossomthyme

You know, I think everyone may have forgotten or never saw the episode a couple seasons back about the tragic loss of Kandi's dear brother and Mama Joyce's sweet son.  I still believe that the dynamic that is going on between Joyce and Kandi stems from that loss.  Imagine how they had to depend on each other after that.  In my opinion, what seems to be happening is that the guilt of that loss has filtered into the relationship and hasn't truly been resolved.  Kandi's inability to be with who she wants to be with without the bold interference from her mom speaks of an unspoken psychological bond (an unhealthy one for sure) that neither one of them have dealt with.  That's why they can't resolve it.  Neither one knows what's really going on. That's why they both need therapy to bring out these buried feelings.  It's really interesting, but after losing someone you love, that can bring you closer and Kandi could never abandon her mother and make her go through that pain again. NEVER!!!  So, they will have to learn to love each other unconditionally and Mama Joyce will have to let go. Not so different from many parent child relationships when it's time to let their children make their own mistakes.  Mama can't let go cause it feels too much like she's losing another child. When she realizes she is not losing Kandi, they can both have a better relationship.  The one Kandi really wants, which is one happy family. That's what I think.

bevkay99
bevkay99

Why didn't we hear what Carmon said to Crystal?  Didn't she and Todd do what Mama Joyce and Bennie was going to do to him?   On top of that they tag teamed you!!!  Why did he think it was good that she called Crystal?  Now you need counseling, hmm......


Why were you going to drag Cynthia and her sister but sat there and let them talk about your Mother?  Right or wrong that is YOUR Mother!! And yes you are right, men come and go but your Mother will be with you.  


If he wants to be friends now, imagine what he will want to be after you marry him and have his child and he wants to leave and take the child and you pay him child support.  I guess Carmon can be his witness that you are unstable because they had to put you into counseling because as she said, you have issues that you need to resolve.  I am not putting quotes because I am changing her words to make a point.  LOL!!  


If Mama Joyce liked Chuck Smith then she wants you with someone, because on the show we saw that she didn't like AJ and now she doesn't like Todd, so she is not all bad.  (I don't like how Chuck has portrayed himself on the show though!)  


FIRE CARMON!!!! She disrespected your mother at the bridal studio and she was just about laughing about your mom's voicemail.  It was like I've got her now!!!


I listen to Dr Phil a lot, he would be a great counselor for you.  Y'all can go on his show.   He always says that you can predict the behavior of a person by looking at past behavior.  Examine his past with a "Mama Joyce eye".  (You can do it, she is your mom.  It is in you!)  If he passes the test, not the I just wanna be happy test but the if this is really the man for me test.  


He quits on things too much for me.  First the show because it wasn't up to his normal standard.  Is he the director or something?  Now he wants to just be friends because of your mom.  For real Todd??  Girl bye!


1042all
1042all

Hope you are able to make your Mother understand what she is doing to you.   Love and respect should be mutual whether it's a mother/daughter, father/son or man/woman relationship.  It's so obvious that Todd loves and respects you.  Carmon loves and respects you. You say you love and respect your mother, but how can you truly love and respect someone who consistently tries to undermine not only your relationship with Todd, but with your friend Carmon? If you don't solve the problem, your mother will be the only one you have left in your life.  A mother's job is to raise her children and send them out fully prepared into the world.  She, obviously, doesn't think she did a good job raising you.   Her relationship with you is unhealthy.  Period.  She should be happily helping you plan your wedding to Todd, but instead is trying to pay people to set him up?  Seriously?  You can't see how sick that is? If my mother had said or done any of the things your mother does to you, I would be forced to shut her out of my life.  But guess what?? I wouldn't have to because of the mutual love and respect of a parent knowing she did a good job raising me and that I was old enough and raised well enough to make my own decisions.  If you make a mistake, it's your mistake. She should be there to comfort you. There's something very wrong with your mother and I hope you are able to get her the help she desperately needs. 

sandrahatestaylor
sandrahatestaylor

Well, last night gave viewers some real insight as to your state of mind - AND YOUR MOTHER'S!!  I will say this, I'm glad you agreed to counseling because it's clear that you are is desperate need of it to open your eyes about your mother and yourself.  You don't seem to "get" that Todd isn't going to take much more of this abuse from your mother - but you act like he (and everyone else who is subjected to it!) should just ignore it!  I would love to see your reaction if Todd's mother treated you this way - I really wonder what you'd say to him?  It's easy to imagine what your mother would say and do!  Todd has made it clear twice on the show that he basically isn't going to take much more of this.  Your friend Carmon has said as much.  And yet you still defend your mother's actions!  Your comment last night was so delusional - "that's the difference between friends and family - family won't leave you".  So do you expect Todd to live his life putting up with that crap from your mother while you grin about it?!!!  Something is wrong with you clearly.  And we all know something is wrong with your mother!  The fact that Todd is letting you know he'd leave if something isn't done should tell you AND YOUR MOTHER that he isn't an opportunist.  Otherwise, he'd do what you want - put up with your mother for whatever he could get from you.  Kandi, he isn't willing to do that - he'd rather leave.....         

WOWWOWWUBSY
WOWWOWWUBSY

Kandi.............every year you amaze me.  Some of the things you do seem impossible so I must ask you, is this all to get some air time because you won't really allow your mother to disrespect your man like this and get mad when he says he doesn't respect her right?  You had me for a minute.....I'm like "wow she's crying and everything".  Not only are you a great singer, writer and business woman...........you're a damn fine actress..........Just remember Kandi, this is reality tv so we would like to see more real issues coming from your camera time if you don't mind.  You really had me fooled!

Deir000
Deir000

Kandi, your really need to talk to your mother, she is setting a bad example for your daughter. She is the biggest HOODRAT on Bravo. She has no respect for herself, your daughter, you and Todd. Why is she so angry? It makes no sense and it's very healthy for your relationship with Todd. I agree with Todd wanting to walk away. Maybe the best thing is for you to focus on your mother, daughter and yourself,,,,everyone can be happy. Maybe your mother may need a man herself......you know what I mean.     

she-devils-advocate
she-devils-advocate

Kandi, Kandi, Kandi


How come you can defend your man when among friends and acquaintances but when it comes to your mom, you can't do it?  All of that pent up aggression came out on pillow talk night.  No amount of work till exhaustion will take away that there is an underlying issue at hand and sooner or later it needs to be taken care of, for the sake of your family and happiness.


If you were able to handle them vultures, I am sure you can handle talking to your mom with respect first and foremost, firmness and lots of love.


I'm rooting for you, girl, get it done.

lady4christ41
lady4christ41

Kandi all you owe your mom is your love. She cant control your life. We learn by our mistakes. Make yourself happy . If your mom loves you she will stand behind you no matter what.

Jreenz
Jreenz

My FAVE... Need I say more. I think you're an amazing person inside and out! There were only one instance when I thought you were a bit disrespectful and it had nothing to do with the altercation, but when you ladies went on that trip to Savannah and you claimed the Master Suite when the respectful thing was to give it to the host. The bigger better bedroom always goes to the host. But anyways, old news... That's the only time I scratched my head when it came to you. 


I love you Kandy! I love your drive, I love your personality and I think you going crazy at the so-called Pajama party was called for. You were standing your ground. 


Anyways... I wish you all the best and may blessings continue to pour into your life! 



Congrats on your engagement! Can't wait to see the wedding. 

methinks
methinks

You behaved very selfishly toward your castmates during the Savannah trip.  I take it that's something you learned from your mother?

Maggietish
Maggietish

You continue to backstab everyone on the show except Phaedra and you think they shouldn't react.  You went too far when you attacked Peter.  When Cynthia reacted you got very ugly and your true self emerged.  Do you seriously think that you can trash all the ladies on the show and now their husbands and they won't react?  Whenever someone calls you on it, you get confrontational and way over the top loud. Your Mother does run you, your life, and certainly your money  Todd must really love you to put up with all your Mother's venomous nonsense.  Just how much do you love him that you allow your Mother to treat him with such disrespect and so badly. You even inflict her on your friends.  This woman is out of control and your enable her bad behavior.  She truly needs to see a psychiatrist based on the way she has behaved this season.  Its a disgrace that you've not gotten her into some type of treatment and its a disgrace the way you allow her to bully everyone around you.  That's not respecting her by allowing her to act this despicable way  Your Mother needs help and that is clear to all the viewers - why isn't it clear to you?

southernfried
southernfried

Kandi, you and Phaedra are the greatest!  I love your friendship.  Both of you are successful and confident, yet you always manage to take the high road.  The other girls are jealous; even Nene (Who?) Leakes.

You epitomize cool.

LaBrava
LaBrava

Good "read" , Kandi!  You were so on point, but that rag on your head...SMH

Judysea
Judysea

Girlll my mouth is still open from the way you handled yourself last night.

In the history of RHOA, that was a R-E-A-D...well done.

You even checked Todd and showed us just who the boss is. Go on with yo' BAD self. 

Kandi when you come through all this drama your songs will be better than ever.

DallasIvy
DallasIvy

The way you got Cynthia's friend, Natalie, told on last night's episode is the way you need to get Mama Joyce told.  In a respectable, yet stern, tone of course.  But your mom really needs to hear the words you used in that toast of confidence you made at the winery in a serious heart-to-heart mother-daughter conversation.

flygirlinmydreams
flygirlinmydreams

Of course, your mom's opinion tops anyone's, but how and on whom you spend your money is yours---for better or worse. Your affluence is the result of sacrifice and unrelenting focus to address, perfect, continue to enrich, and wisely "share" a much-appreciated talent. There's an "old boys" expression about one's sole possession---it's yours and you can wash it as fast as you want. I know, it's a yucky way of saying, it's your life, money you earned; you spend it any way you choose.

sbd4611
sbd4611

Kandi you are a sweetheart. After watching this evenings episode at the table while at the vineyard(1-19-14) I must comment on how you handled yourself, as you always do, with grace and dignity. You're in a class all by yourself. 

Hulali
Hulali

I realize that you an Phaedra are very busy with multiple businesses and family issues, but I wish you would blog more  I get really tired of only seeing Kenya and Nene 's blogs.


Anyways... I think its a GREAT idea that you do a Housewife musical!  And Nene refusing to participate is perfect, that way you can get a famous black man to dress in drag to play her (and Kenya too). The HW franchise is hugely popular and will bring in a curious crowd.  You are truly talented!!!

hawkup
hawkup

I think your Mom is worried about the money You give HER! - she can't have any one else in the picture if she wants to continue with her "currrent allowance" and perhaps have someone else pointing out she is a dependent and wants it to continue as is!

Remote
Remote

We haven't heard from you since this blog written onDecember 1st.  You cannot keep protecting your mother when she purposefully engages in such thuggish, low behavior in front of TV cameras.  Mama Joyce is out of control, Kandi.  Don't fool yourself, you can be respectful to her while respectfully putting her in her rightful place.  I'd love to know how Mama Joyce accomplished such subservience from you as a daughter - she'd make a fortune if she wrote a book on how she managed that!

2Bhonest
2Bhonest

Kandi, your Mama is treating you like a controlling spouse- like she's your partner and she's entitled to everything in your life. Did you see how nervous she was about you possibly "dying" and Todd "taking the house away from her"??? She wants nothing to get in between her and YOUR money. She even stated that (in so many words) at her meeting with Phaedra! She is twisted. The sooner you realize it and keep her out of your life, the better off you'll be. She will never stop, Kandi. Never. You have to create some serious boundaries or your mother will ruin every single relationship you value. She will poison everything. I'm so sorry that you have this problem but you need to come to terms with the fact that your mother will never "allow" you to be happy. It's hard to do but please keep your Mama at a distance. You will see, it's the only way you will ever be free.

gina2066
gina2066

Why is Kandi so worried about Nene and Phaedra being friendly?  These people need to stop acting like they are in middle school!!  Also, I find it funny that Kandi did not want to work with Nene when she did the "Tardy for the Party" song with Kim but now since Nene has found fame on her own Kandi wants her to participate in a play she is creating.  I don't blame Nene for not wanting to help Kandi with her play because Kandi has aligned with everyone of Nene's enemies in the past...I think she is just jealous of Nene!!!

tryla
tryla

  The show was supposed to be entertaining, it's become offensive on so many levels...from watching Cynthia sit and listen to her husband express his desire to have a shack across town to Kandi acting like a character from The Color Purple when dealing with her mother.   It is sad and difficult to watch.  The women of Atlanta seem to have  a "slave-like" mentality when dealing with the issues of life; you all have set us (women, Black, etc.) back at least ten years.

Judysea
Judysea

Great insight...but if Kandi were broke I wonder how Mama would see Todd?

jaxdfax
jaxdfax

@Deir000 I was happy that she is getting professional help. Sometimes you need someone without a dog in the fight to give perspective.

boopstur
boopstur

@hawkup I understand its kandi's decision on whether she wants to 'support' or continue to give mama joyce an 'allowance' and houses BUT as a mother myself if I was mama joyce I would feel so ashamed to have my children 'supporting' me and or giving me an 'allowance' let alone their home they just moved out of that 1) could be sold and the money could be used as a down payment towards the new home they just purchased and 2) is 3 times bigger then I need since it is only myself who will be living there.

mama joyce constantly USES the excuse 'im your mama, I did this for you and I did that' therefore you OWE ME for being your mother and as a reason for kandi 'supporting' her and for giving her an 'allowance' and that is so pitiful and as a mother the ONLY THING you should feel your kids owe you is respect and their happiness POINT, BLANK PERIOD!!!! 


mama joyce is the opportunist NOT todd!!

cricket43
cricket43

you a idiot, if the truth be told, nene is off her damn rocker, fame has went straight to her head, she has no humility. as far as kandi is concern, she dont need nene participation in nothing she does, guess what she has been very successful, without the mooses help or support this too will be another great success kandis work do speak for itself. keep hattin biatch!!!

cricket43
cricket43

cynthia has major issues that needs adressing, like how can you try and tare down somebody's thang and your poppin loose at the seam.. cynthia needs a back bone peter needs a muzzel

Remote
Remote

 @tryla Oh, this comment is SO spot on!!  It's become extremely offensive!!